Happiness is a culture

3. "I believe everybody in this world has a genius-level talent. Apply yourself to whatever you're genius at, and you can do anything in this world.

      Jay Z 

When you enjoy good health and have good supportive people behind you, chances of success are greater, challenges easier to overcome, and happiness generally more guaranteed.

Similarly, with good health (physical and mental) and good people, you have a good chance of bouncing back from any unfortunate situation in life.

2. Not fulfilling your potentials (and knowing so).

It's a normal and healthy feeling to think we can and should be doing more with our lives. The persistent urge that we should be doing more than just meeting our own needs is what spurs people to greatness.

However, life happens and we soon convince ourselves that perhaps what we need to be happy is getting a good paid job. After the initial excitement that comes with getting a good paid job dies, we realize that there has to be more to life than just waking up everyday and taking instructions to build other people's dreams.

It also becomes obvious that earning a salary is nothing special because we are just one of many who do that at the end of every month.

We battle with this feeling of emptiness for a while then again think, 'perhaps if I get married and have children, I will be fulfilled'.  After we get married and have children, we again realize we are still not fulfilled, because raising children within marriage is not unique to us.

Through my own many periods of feeling empty after brief spells of happiness, the one constant factor has been the feeling that I am not maximizing my potentials.
It has taken time, but I have finally realized that working in line with my passion, my uniqueness, and maximizing my potentials for my sake and that of humanity is what will keep me happy and fulfilled.

As Tony Robbins said:

"It is not what we get, but who we become, what we contribute... that gives meaning to our lives."

3. Continuing to hang around friends you've clearly outgrown.

We all have that friend (partner-in-crime or 'dawg') way back in college whom together we chased girls, had multiple girlfriends, did breakneck joy rides on the highway, swore at every opportunity to imitate our favourite gangster rapper and who, sadly, has refused to grow up and still indulges in such delinquencies.

Without a doubt, keeping a distance with such friends is never easy: they are very lively, fun and, after spending so many moments or years of fun together, we've become so fond of them.

Problem is, as you get older and start to have different values, remaining close to such friends would make it very difficult to stay true to your principles and responsibilities. There is every likelihood of you relapsing occasionally or eventually derailing totally.

For instance, a man who vows to stay 100% true to his wife once he gets married, because he values a clean marriage, devoid of drama, deceit and baggages, but hangs around closely with friends who still chase women like back in college will struggle to remain faithful.

Men are daily stimulated by sight and it's difficult enough to resist the temptation to chase women without constantly hearing that voice in your head which says: "Debo, Sergio, and Luke, despite being married, still have girlfriends. So, maybe I'm just being too hard on myself..."

Without a doubt, it's only a question of time before you convince yourself that if everyone is doing it (extramarital affairs) then it's not so bad, after all. Before long, you are not only battling with your conscience, signs of infidelity start to appear in your marriage and, eventually, you have a baby for another woman.

From a situation of being married and happy, you are suddenly in a mess, a full-blown crisis.

4. Unhealthy exposure to social-media (Instagram).

Believe it or not, social media, especially picture-based ones like Instagram, has become a constant source of depression for many.

It was Theodore Roosevelt who famously said "comparison is the thief of joy" and no where is this wise saying more relevant than on Instagram.

In real life, we are more likely to compare ourselves to just our friends and contemporaries or only people we come across from time to time in church, but on social-media, we compare ourselves to just about anyone and everyone whose 'fabulous' life we are exposed to.

Some, who ordinarily, are happy and doing reasonably well in all facets of life that matter even compare themselves to celebrities who have every material possession to show off and gradually they start to feel miserable.

Ironically, many of such celebs are unhappy about certain aspects of their lives, too, and would happily swap that aspect with yours.

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our own behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel."
Steve Furtick

Being unhealthily exposed to social-media guarantees that you can never have sustained happiness - no matter the achievements in your life.

There is a very interesting article on this topic in the Dailymail about how the smug photos we post on Instagram makes it the most depressing social network.

5. Indiscipline

There is no undisciplined person who knows any sustained period of happiness - the next crisis is always around the corner.

I wrote earlier about how everyone has their fair share of sad events; however, these events are sometimes a result of earlier stupid actions or omissions.

We cannot always determine the result of every single event in our lives but we can determine the overall direction of our lives; through dedication, determination, hard-work and humility. All these attributes require discipline.

Whether we are happy, remain happy, or are miserable will depend on how disciplined we are:

- Discipline to fight to achieve our dreams.
- Discipline to not mortgage our future (finances, goodwill, health) for short-term pleasure.
- Discipline to remain humble, focused and hungry after we achieve success.
And above all...
- Discipline to not stagnate and continue to develop ourselves mentally, socially, emotionally and physically.

Success takes more than just talent...

There is no worse emotion than that empty feeling of watching others succeed or get celebrated for their talents when you know that you are leading an ordinary life, despite having discovered your own talent or purpose

It’s worse and potentially depressing when seeing others shine in your own area of talent and, deep down, you sense you are probably more talented – and in the era of Instagram, Snapchat and Youtube, you would be regularly inundated with such sights.

This feeling of emptiness, if well processed, could actually be the kick-up-the-backside that you need to finally start pursuing your dreams, without giving up, under any circumstances, till you are successful.

On the other hand, if you have experienced this feeling a few times and still could not get motivated, chances are that it has resulted in hopelessness, low self-worth and permanent loss of motivation (giving up on your dream)

Having experienced this feeling a few times, I have discovered a few reasons for lack of success in my area of talent.

1. Inertia

You may desire success or stardom all you like, you might even have revelations on how to succeed in a given task, but nothing works until you put your ideas into action. Everyone desires success, many have knowledge, but only those who take meaningful action succeed.

2. Procrastination

Humans generally have the tendency to procrastinate – it’s innate. There is always that temptation to take action only when it’s convenient, when we are in the mood, or when there are imminent repercussions for inaction.

The problem with this attitude is that our actions are not as effective when not executed on time. It is a competitive world, and it is not the first to have an idea but the first to implement successfully that is rewarded.

Similarly, when we are spurred to action only because we are on the verge of losing an opportunity, the quality of our creativity and actions will be low.

A lifestyle of continually taking action in a timely fashion is certain to bring success in due course.

3. Lack of Persistence
The road to success is not always smooth, it is fraught with obstacles and challenges, but with persistence no obstacle is too hard to overcome.

Happiness is a culture

How then do we cultivate this culture of happiness? 

1. The natural instinct of happy people is to count their blessings. Being happy for who they are (talents, family, health, reputation) always overwhelms the emotional deficits that unmet desires or unfortunate occurrences might bring.

2. They understand that relationships are about quality not quantity. So they are quick to let go of malcontents even if it means being bored.

3. They share their most difficult problems - If we have a lingering issue that appears too big for our minds to bear alone, then we should share them with someone. When our minds are overwhelmed, depression or mental illnesses take root.

4. They don't obsess -  Happy people understand that desire is good but obsession is unhealthy. If we obsess about a goal or thing, and we don't achieve them, we are blind to or undervalue every other thing that counts - even better alternatives.

5. They don't depend solely on material things for happiness.

6. They have mental strength and they persevere - They don't expect life to always be easy, hence they are always mentally prepared to handle and pull though difficult situations without feeling sorry for themselves.

7. They handle all situations with equanimity - They don't get carried away or become ostentatious when things are rosy. At the same time they don't despair when things are not so rosy. They understand the temporal nature of most situations in life.

8. They invest in the happiness of others because they understand that love makes the world go round.

9. Happy people are venturesome. A venturesome person is always full of hope and looks forward to each day with excitement.

10. They surround themselves with positive people.

11. They identify the things that can easily boost their happiness and do them. Some listen to music, while others immediately appreciate life again when they are in the midst of children.

12. They are not prisoners of the trendy or fashionable - they derive fun and happiness doing what pleases or suits them.

13. They are contented.

14. They know how to put situations into perspective, till the the bad looks better or manageable.

15. They are not boastful. So they don't suffer under the burden of expectations.

16.They harness the power of reflection to clear their minds on any lingering issue till they feel peace, They then find the courage to follow through with actions. For example, apologize if need be.


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@mr_imbuya
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